What are the top seven complaints we all have about restaurants, across our website and all the review sites too?

Once you’ve had a bad experience at a restaurant you never go back. But first, you might just leave a review at Google. Or Zomato.

These are the seven deadliest sins we’ve found from there and our own notes at Holiday Goddess.


“Have We Become Invisible?”

Waiters and waitresses who don’t see you – repeatedly – either standing at the entrance waiting to be seated – or waving your menu at the table, ready to order. Either they’re blind or you’ve become invisible.

“I Could Have Caught That Fish By Now.”

When the food delivery is so slow that you could have walked to the nearest jetty, stuck in a rod and caught your own fish by now – you know it’s bad.

When you’re hungry, a long wait to be served food means you’ll never return. At Holiday Goddess, we agree, slow drinks service is even worse. There is no excuse for a long wait for a glass of wine. Unless maybe the bar staff have spontaneously combusted.

My Waiter Wants to be a DJ

Noise is a top complaint in restaurants – even with al fresco dining. Bad music or just a wall of bass-heavy noise (cheap speakers, low doof doof) drives people crazy. It also drives them out of the restaurant.

The waiter who is a frustrated DJ; the waitress who is bored and wants to plug her Spotify list into the mains – it all means you have to shout.

People go to restaurants to talk to each other, dummy. Loud music only becomes more annoying if you have an argumentative waiter, which we recently found at a French restaurant in Sydney. You say the wine’s corked. He disagrees. Loudly. Over the top of his playlist. It’s a sin.

“I Could Have Made That Myself.”

Ordinary food – sloppy spaghetti, boring bread, over-sugary cake – leads us to wonder if we could have made it ourselves. (Just as badly). When you find yourself thinking that your own cooking is better you are in the wrong place. To the chefs, we say ‘You have one job…’

“How Much For Four Anchovies?”

Overpriced food is one of the most common complaints in restaurant reviews. We all know how much a can of anchovies costs, so why have you just tipped it onto a plate with a piece of soda bread and some dip you made and charged us $25?

Canned fish is hip right now (heating a can of sardines up in the microwave and serving it as a side dish with toast for breakfast). We say “Hip but cheap!” Our top pick recently was hard boiled eggs – and yes – the anchovies. The bill was outrageous.

“Is This Steak for Kate Moss?”

Small portions are repeatedly emphasised as a reason not to return to a restaurant. Kate Moss uttered her famous quote in 2009 (“Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”) but some restaurants never got over it.

When you are left hungry after your second course there is always a suspicion that they really wanted you to order a first course and side dishes. Oh. And cheese. Up goes your bill…

Crammed tables

Again, restaurants being cheap with their customers rates a big ‘No’ from reviewers. Those places where you have to say “Excuse me” a lot and squeeze sideways are not fun.

Crammed tables and hard floors also results in – you guessed it – ‘Wah wah’ levels of noise.

What are your deadly restaurant sins?
X – HolidayGoddess